4 Psychological Reasons Why You Self-Sabotage Your Growth

One thing that’s stopping you from achieving your goals is you.

You’ve heard that probably a million times.

But why is that?

Why do we stop ourselves from doing something that’s logically the best thing for us?

Here’s a short excerpt from the book:

In short, four major barriers hold us back. These are the hidden beliefs that cause self-sabotage.

1. Feeling Fundamentally Flawed

This one sounds harsh. But it’s real.

The hidden belief? I cannot expand to my full creative genius because something is fundamentally wrong with me.

This comes from deep-seated feelings—things we may not even realize we believe. Somewhere along the way, we picked up the idea that we’re flawed. That something about us is wrong.

And because of this, we don’t allow ourselves to grow. We hold ourselves back, convinced that success isn’t meant for us.

2. Disloyalty and Abandonment

The hidden belief? I cannot expand to my full success because it would cause me to end up all alone, be disloyal to my roots, and leave behind people from my past.

At first, this one sounds strange. Who wouldn’t want success?

But here’s what happens: We start to wonder—Did I break my family's spoken or unspoken rules to get where I am? This leads to guilt.

Or we think—Even though I'm successful, I failed to meet the expectations my parents had for me.

So instead of embracing success, we self-sabotage to avoid feeling like we’ve abandoned the people we care about.

3. Believing That More Success Means More Burden

The hidden belief? I cannot expand to my highest potential because I would be an even bigger burden than I am now.

This barrier often comes from childhood experiences.

For example, Gay Hendricks writes about a man whose father died before he was born. His mother had no job and had to support him and his brother alone. He grew up feeling like a burden. Later in life, when he wrote his first book, his family didn’t acknowledge it. This only reinforced his belief.

So what did he do? He held himself back—because in his mind, success meant being an even bigger burden.

4. The Crime of Outshining

The hidden belief? I must not expand to my full success because if I did, I would outshine others and make them feel bad.

This is very common among gifted kids.

If you were the “smart one” in the family, you might have learned to dim your light so others wouldn’t feel small.

Gay Hendricks shares a powerful story about a man named Joseph. When Joseph was young, his sister passed away. Later, his parents gifted him a piano, saying, We would never have been able to afford this if your sister hadn’t died.

Instantly, his joy was swallowed by guilt.

For 40 years, he unconsciously held himself back—convinced he didn’t deserve success.

So, What Now?

These barriers aren’t our fault. They come from years of conditioning. But once we see them, we can start changing the script.

The key is awareness.

Once you recognize the pattern, you can begin to break it. Instead of sabotaging yourself when things go well, you can push forward.

Because growth isn’t the problem.

Our beliefs about growth are.

And beliefs? They can be changed.

Noman Shaikh

P. S.

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